


Am I The Only One

by edcshc



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Asexual Character, Brother-Sister Relationships, Coming Out, M/M, POV Multiple, Supportive Aaron Dingle, Supportive Robert Sugden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edcshc/pseuds/edcshc
Summary: Liv's questioning her sexuality and needs some support. Who will come to her rescue and assure her that everything will be alright?





	1. 1. Misunderstandings

Liv's POV

Perched on the windowsill, gazing up at the star-speckled midnight sky, I had never felt so isolated before. Thoughts suffocating my brain; desperately trying to sort through the incoherent jumble of words and pictures, nothing makes any sense. All my mates from school are out partying, snogging, drunk up to their eyeballs, provocatively dancing the night away whilst I'm sat here alone. The logical part of my brain says 'speak to Aaron, he'd understand, he's your big brother after all'. But that's not an option. Why would he want to listen to my problems? He's finally happy after a lifetime of misfortune and upset; I don't want to be the catalyst to destroy this. He wouldn't take me seriously anyway. I'm just a kid after all.

My eyes start becoming heavy, vision blurred and body slumped against the wall. It may be three o'clock in the morning but this is the most comfortable I have felt in a long time. In my dreams I can be the perfect, unbroken version of myself. No need to worry what other people think of me but also so far away from my harshest critic. Myself.

Hours must have drifted by because the next thing I know my alarm clock is blaring out, deafening against the otherwise silence.

Breakfast is burning _again_. Black smoke billowing up the winding metal staircase, thick and dense, infiltrating my lungs. Trying not to choke on the fumes, I check my phone: no messages. Of course there's no messages- who'd want to talk to me? I grab my over-sized khaki hoodie, scrape my hair back and try and navigate my way to the staircase, trying not to trip because that metal minefield is lethal. Why did Robert think that was a good idea?

" **Aaron!** What are you playing at? Bacon."

I yell as I spot my brother, VR headset on, slouched in those remarkably comfortable gaming chairs. I have no idea what game he's playing though... We seem to have accumulated quite a large stack in the corner of the lounge. What can I say... neither of us have social lives to boast about.

"What! Oh, crap!!"

He exclaims, scrambling out of the seat, chucking the headset behind him. How he can be so engrossed in a game never ceases to amaze me. I don't know where Robert is because he'd never let this happen! If it wasn't for his ego being the size of a planet already, I'd tell Rob that he was by far the best cook I have ever known, unlike Aaron who can only just master using the toaster. As if on command:

"Don't worry. I'll just make toast instead. The butter's in the fridge where it normally is."

After setting the table and making a cup of coffee for us both, we sat down at the table for once- more civilised than our normal lounging in front of the TV. Aaron was sat glued to his phone probably sending soppy texts to Robert as I can only presume he left for work early; must be some invoices or filing that needs doing up at the scrapyard...

"Liv. Are you alright? I heard you pacing round your room last night."

Aaron inquired, finally unfixing his eyes away from the screen, concern written all over his face. I didn't realise that I had made so much noise in my midnight pondering. Guilt swept through me. Not only had I kept myself up but I must have disturbed both of them in the other room. Why did I always have to be so selfish?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind. I couldn't get to sleep. Sorry."

I muttered back. This is part of the truth I suppose...

"I've noticed, ya know. You being quieter than normal. I know something's up so are you gonna tell me?" He carried on, "It's not school is it? _A boy_...?"

At this I sighed and rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my toast, hoping the ground would open up and swallow me.

"Oh it is! Come on Liv, talk to me. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Who is it?"

Why couldn't he go back to being disinterested, back to his phone. Who knew my supposed love life would be so interesting? Aaron normally shies away from conversations like these so why is he now paying so much attention?!

I can't deal with it. It's too much. He won't stop.

I slide my plate halfway across the table and bolt to the front door, not bothering to grab any shoes on my way out.

_Crash_

"Liv. Wait!" I hear him cry out after me as I rush down the gravel drive, stones rough again my bare feet, not caring who saw me running out the house clad in sweatpants and a hooded top. The fresh morning air felt crisp against my tear stained face, droplets sliding down over my cheekbones. My head's all over the place. Why do I always react like this? Why couldn't I tell him the truth? 

I go to the only place where I can seem to ever calm down and escape. The one place where everything is okay.

The bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic that I have ever written so I hope you enjoy it. It is quite non specific in the Emmerdale timeline so you can decide where it fits. It follows canon to an extent. There is no mention of Alex or Seb and Rebecca so you can totally forget about them if you'd like!
> 
> If you have any suggestions/ideas to make this better please leave a comment. This will be a multi chaptered fic and I will try to update it regularly!
> 
> I am writing Liv as asexual and am basing it off my own experiences which obviously is not the same for everyone!
> 
> PS: I'm on Tumblr too if you want to get to know me! My blogs @indigo--disco


	2. 2. Not Lost But Not Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to make sense of what has just happens and co-conspires a plan to find his little stater and work out who or what is making her so upset.

Aaron's POV

"Liv. Wait!" I cry as I jump off my chair and try to catch up with my younger sister as she bolts out of the house.

I have never seen her like this before. So angry and annoyed at the world yet so subdued and unanimated all at once. It's like she's just a shell of the young feisty girl I met two years ago. But that's growing up I suppose.

Thinking back to what I said to her maybe I misread the situation entirely. I always seem to mess up! I try to help her through problems but I  never seem to manage not to put my foot in it. _A bo_ y... Why did I say that? Out of everyone, surely by now I would know not to assume.

As I pace back and forth around the kitchen table, hands resting on my head looking at the ceiling, I wonder what could actually be going on with Liv. I really don't have much experience in dealing with teenage girls I come to realise.

_'If I was Liv and something was upsetting me, what would I do?'_ I question myself.

Actually it's best not to think about what I'd do.

I wonder upstairs to her room to see if she'd left a note or something on her desk. She sometimes does this if she's too embarrassed to ask me or Rob for help or she needs to get something of her chest. It's quite sweet actually. I mean I rather her speak to us but I suppose this works too.

No. Nothing.

Just a drawing she must have done at some point last night. Her charcoal and sketching pencils are in an unorganised heap next to her work- a replica of the photo I took of her and Robert the other day up at the scrapyard in luminous orange hi-vis jackets.

**That's it!** Liv might have gone to find Robert at work.

I reach in the back pocket of my jeans and grab my phone hitting the speed dial for my husband. Well technically speaking... Screw it. My husband.  
The phone rings for longer than it should and then goes straight to voicemail. _Fuck._ He must have it on silent whilst he's working. Why couldn't he have worked from home today? Might as well ring the office phone too while I'm at it; there's no harm in trying. I need to know what's up with Liv and where she's got to.

"Mr Dingle, why do you never answer your bloody phone?" I moan at Robert as I perch on the end of Liv's blue and green quilted bed covers. At least he actually picked up this one.

"I love it when you call me that." Rob muses down the phone. I can imagine the look in his eyes right now, emerald green pools full of love.

"Don't care," I resort back, probably too forcefully, "Is Liv with you?" I question, softening my tone slightly.

"No. Why? Have you two had an argument _again_..."

"Stop messing about Robert." I say back quickly. "She ran out on me this morning and I have no idea where she's gone. I don't know what's upset her. I think _I_ upset her. What have I done? I'm her big brother Rob; I'm meant to protect her, make sure she's okay. I even burnt our breakfast this morning! If I can't even cook properly, how am I in any state to look after a teenager. I don't know what to do, "

Tears begin to fall quickly as I get myself more and more worked up over the whole situation. My voice much have raised an octave during this time. My hands begin to shake and foot tap against the floor.

"Woah, slow down. Firstly, none of this is your fault so don't you _dar_ e start blaming yourself, " he interrupts my babbling, "and secondly she can't have gotten far. She's a smart kid; she won't do anything stupid- that's for me and you to do! What actually happened... before she ran off?"

I recall exactly what had occurred, telling him every little detail from what she and I had said and her reactions to my responses. I mention to Rob about how she was up most the night but he tells me he already knows this as he's not _that_ old and he's not started to lose his hearing yet. He starts to respond:

"Okay. You want my advice. I don't reckon it's about school as I think Jacob would have let us know if there was a problem."

Liv and Jakey had become quite good friends recently. He seems like a decent enough kid to be honest which are quite difficult to come across now days after hearing horror stories about what they get up to at Hotten Academy.

"It seems like she pretty much dismissed the whole thing about it being a boy by her reaction to you. A girl maybe? I'm not sure though because I would have imagined Liv would have been more open about that because of us..."

I listen carefully to every possibility that Robert lists. He is much more caring than anybody gives him credit for. I really have got one of life's fallen angels. I honestly don't know what I would do without him sometimes.

" What we need to do now is actually find her. Are you out looking already?" He asks, finishing his long epiphany.

" _Shit_. No." That was something else that I probably should have thought of doing. I might have even found her by now! It wouldn't have even took me too long to catch up with her. I am the one who runs on a daily basis and knows every short cut in the village.

"Right. You go to the pub and ask Chas whether she's seen her and then to David's. Maybe knock on Bernice's and Lauren's door too."

"What are you going to do?"

"Go out and look for Liv too, _ya idiot!_ I'll check all the outdoor places like the pavilion, that way we cover all bases. I'll leave now and phone you if I find her. Love you."

I hear the phone beep signalling our conversation is over. That man is utterly brilliant; I can always rely on him. I'd trust him with my life.

I rush down the spiral stairs, grab my keys from the porch window and lock the doors behind me. We are going to find our little sister. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this wasn't posted sooner. I have been ever so busy at sixth form. I will try and get a chapter written per week from now onwards. 
> 
> Each chapter may switch POV as I enjoy visiting stories from different viewpoints. 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or question. I really enjoy talking with people x


	3. 3. Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the race is on to find Liv! Hope you enjoy.

Robert's POV

As soon as Aaron puts the phone down I slam my laptop shut, shove my documents in the nearest file and grab my old black leather jacket before heading to the door. Liv and Aaron always come first; before work, money... You name it. I love those two more than life itself. A perfect little family we are. Maybe not what I had ever expected but more than I could have ever wished for.

I pick up pace as I rush out of the scrapyard casting my eyes up and down the road, trying to catch a glimpse of a Dingle or one of Liv's friends. No-one. The whole village looks barren; curtains tightly drawn, doors locked, lights off. The only disturbance I could possibly hear would be Aaron's footsteps thundering across the road from our house to the Woolpack. If I strain hard enough I might just be able to hear him but that's not what I'm meant to be doing, is it?

After quickly strolling around I make my way across the thick grassy meadow at the pavilion. Unless Liv is in the adequately sized (and rather convenient) shed, she's most definitely not here. Talking about that shed, it's been a part of some critical moments in our lives over the past couple of years...

Most importantly it's where me and Liv finally came to a truce and decided we'd sort out our differences for Aaron's sake. Little did we know we'd be as good as brother and sister now. I love her so deeply which is why I am desperate to find her and talk about whatever is troubling her. No sister of mine should be left to struggle on their own.

I lower my head slightly to avoid concussion and open the door and peer inside. A few empty beer cans, an old tennis ball and a blanket but no teenager.

If she's not here then where is she?

I rake through my already racing brain, trying to think quickly of Liv's possible whereabouts. I'm normally good under pressure. Think Robert, think.

Suddenly, in the distance, that's where I hear it. A faint but audible sniffle. The kind which would make anybody immediately sympathise. It's as if I could picture her right now in my mind, leaning on the faded wooden barrier, arms tightly crossed as she's propped up against the bridge. I know exactly where Liv is.

To say I was running is an understatement. Aaron's the athletic one. I can't see the point of exposing yourself to the physical torture of exercise unless it is really necessary. Right now it is.

Of course I was correct. As I approach the wooden overpass I see the figure of a small, vulnerable girl with the weight of the world pressing down on her shoulders. Thank goodness I've finally found her but I need to compose myself before I speak to her. There's no point me going off on one or misjudging the whole scenario as I don't want to make things (whatever they are) any worse. I always have a serious case of speaking before I have time to speak so I suppose it's hard to break a habit:

"Liv," I shout softly whilst gasping for breath, "Don't run off, I won't keep up. Just wait there for me, will ya."

"Just go away Robert. I don't want you or my brother at the moment can't you see that? Leave me alone."

Fat chance of that happening. If that's one thing us Sugdens are good at; it's being stubborn. And like a Sugden herself, Liv is the very epitome of that personality trait too.

I finally reach her, amazed that she's actually still there and not done a disappearing act on me aswell like she's done to Aaron.

"Let me just text Aaron first and let him know I've found you. You do know how worried he is, don't you? We both are!" I say whilst reaching in my pocket to grab my phone.

1 missed call from earlier and 4 texts saying where Aaron's been and had no luck. Apparently Chas is going to have words later for me instructing him on going to the pub and waking her from the land of slumber. At least now I can put Aaron's mind at rest.

"So are you going to tell me what's up?"

"What's it matter to you?" she shrugs whilst wiping the tears away from her eyes.

Even if it doesn't matter to me then it clearly matters to Liv. I don't know what it is about her and her brother but every time they shed a tear a part of my heart feels like it's falling apart and an overwhelming sense of protection soars through every fibre of my being.

"I care about you Liv. No. More than that. I _love_ you. I'm not going to force you to tell me anything but I need you to know that I'm here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, whatever you need."

With that she swings her arms round my waist and just breaks down sobbing.

If my heart wasn't already hurting then now it's truly broken. I hold on to her tight and let her say what's troubling her so much.

"Everything is a mess, Robert. _I'm a mess_. If I tell you then you'll hate me as much as I hate myself. I don't want to be like this. I just want to be normal Robert..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally updated! I'm so sorry for the long wait but I hope this chapter makes up for it. I quite liked writing Robert's POV actually so I hope I've done it justice.
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment and I'll always reply x


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